"AN EMIGRANT HIMSELF SOMETIMES DOES NOT REALIZE THAT HE IS IN CRISIS, AND HIS ENVIRONMENT DOES NOT UNDERSTAND IT": AN INTERVIEW WITH PSYCHOTHERAPIST OLGA MOVCHAN

Comersant,
April 2023

The story of each emigrant is unique on the one hand, but on the other hand it is similar to other such stories. Almost all people who change their country of residence, at the initial stage, inevitably face losses: lowering of professional status, severance of family ties and loneliness. How is forced emigration more dangerous than a planned move? What psychological problems do emigrants most often face? What are the signs of emigrant depression? What psychological difficulties most often arise in mixed marriages? How do you maintain your identity and connection with your parents? Olga Movchan, a psychotherapist and specialist in Gestalt therapy, told Kommersant UK about the emigrant crisis and its overcoming in an interview.

— Today, emigration has become the norm. People move to a wide range of countries for a variety of reasons. In your opinion, how do the psychological consequences of forced emigration differ from those of a planned move?

— First of all, in forced emigration the level of stress and uncertainty is much higher and the feeling of security is lower. If a person moved for work or planned (with family, because of marriage or marriage) with a container of belongings to a rented apartment, he or she feels that he or she is in control of the situation, understands the reasons and terms of such a move. In the case of forced emigration, little depends on him, decisions are tactical, serious compromises are inevitable - all this causes both anxiety and greater tension.

Forced emigration is always a consequence of external choices, which can be experienced as violence. And here the adaptation accompanying the immigration process will be more difficult. People who have been forced to change their country of residence have a different sense of the future, and they (if you have noticed) more often speak not of emigration, but of relocation, thus emphasizing the temporality of the process (move and then come back). Psychologically, "relocation" is perceived easier, because the word "emigration" for Russian-speaking people sounds more dramatic and is associated with previous waves, which were perceived more tragically in society, so objective problems are superimposed on the transgenerational memory, and this is experienced even harder.

— In your experience, what are the most common problems people face when emigrating?

— The first thing a person who has moved to the country has to face is that his/her rights are significantly reduced in comparison with the locals. Locals live in the country simply by birthright, an immigrant has to get a visa, a work permit, provide some documents entitling him to medical care, etc., i.e. prove his right to be in this country. He or she had all this in the country of origin - as a result, there is a sense of loss, an experience of injustice, uncertainty, which can be quite painful, and this fits into the overall picture of the emigrant experience.

The second point that emigrants almost inevitably face is an identity crisis. Sometimes it is not just a change of identity, but its loss, because many of the achievements gained in the home country (education, professional position, respect of colleagues) are nullified. For example, a successful doctor, head of a department in a large clinic, becomes a student who has to pass exams to prove his competence. The person is not perceived in the way he is used to, and he himself ceases to perceive himself as before. In addition to the loss of the usual position in society, there are also problems in communication. Quite often, because of language limitations, an emigrant is not only unable to communicate fully in the new environment, but also fails to grasp, especially in the beginning, cultural codes and clichés familiar to the local population. From a witty speaker, he turns into an obtuse silent person who does not respond to funny jokes and does not support topical discussions. This can be very distressing. In this case, identity is in serious crisis, and one must reacquire it or find new ways to express it.

The third difficulty is that an emigrant has to get acquainted with an incredible number of new small and large details in different spheres of life (where to buy bread, where to throw out the garbage, how to answer letters, etc.), which takes a lot of effort, time and energy. The problem of the first stages of immigration is a serious overload of consciousness. People are at a loss, and this lowers self-esteem: why haven't I done anything yet, but I am already very tired? Often people during this period feel like people with autism spectrum disorder, for whom ordinary stimuli are overwhelming. For example, an immigrant knows the language and communicates well with coworkers in a work setting, but if he goes to a bar with them, the noise and other conversations around him make it difficult for him to focus and emphasize the content of the conversation when addressed. And the person begins to feel overwhelmed on the one hand and lonely on the other, because he remains isolated. The difficulty is that contacts are needed, but there is no energy for new acquaintances. On the contrary, you want to meet your relatives to relax, but they have stayed in their homeland. This creates a vicious circle that makes the emigrant more vulnerable to stress.

— There are national communities, diasporas, where you can communicate?

— It's an important part of support for emigrants, but socializing in them both helps and hinders: people get desperate because they can't assimilate at all, and they start to lock themselves into national communities.

— What psychological types of people find it easier to emigrate and what types find it more difficult?

— Different psychotypes have their own compensatory pluses and minuses, so I wouldn't say that any particular type experiences the immigration process better than others. Everyone faces challenges and finds their own ways to adapt. For example, introverts will tolerate loneliness more easily, but they will find it much harder to make new acquaintances. People who tend to be extroverted will tolerate isolation painfully, but they will be able to establish relationships with new people more quickly, learn to express themselves in new environments, and find it easier to adapt. On the one hand, the identity crisis and lowering of self-esteem will be more painful and difficult for people with narcissistic experience, because they will feel shame because of their lowered position and status (one of the most vivid emigrant experiences). On the other hand, their ability to concentrate and focus on achievement may help them to adapt through professionalization.

— What are the signs of immigrant depression?

— Emigrants have classic signs that are included in the so-called depressive triad: mood disturbance (depression without reason, experience of longing, sadness, apathy), loss of ability to act and asthenization (increased fatigue, exhaustion, weakening or loss of ability to prolonged physical and mental exertion), general retardation of intellectual processes (deterioration of memory, weakening of attention). In children and adolescents depression is often manifested in asthenization, a feeling of powerlessness: "I have already done everything, but I do not understand how to get a good grade for an essay in this school, I am tired and will not do anything else". The first manifestations of emigrant depression can be asthenization and somatic symptoms. These include insomnia. This may not yet be depression, but ignoring the symptoms can lead to a deeper depressive process.

— What psychological problems most often arise in marriages between Russian-speaking and British people? What features of the local mentality are important to know? Do you work with English-speaking clients?

— I primarily work with clients who speak English rather than native speakers, although such requests do arise. I also work with mixed couples, including Russian-speaking clients married to Britons. Such couples have specific traits that create complexities and require clarification.

Firstly, there's a difference in emotional expression. Part of British culture is expressiveness without emotional intensity—exaggerated and emphasized friendliness, politeness, and enthusiasm when addressing others. In Russian culture, however, it's customary to restrain positive emotions and be transparent about negative ones, with much greater acceptance of displaying one's mood.

Secondly, Britons are more stoic. If something isn't going well in their personal lives, they don't complain or show it outwardly. Yet in Britain, it's common to hypercriticize the government, institutions, and social conditions, whereas in Russia, especially recently, this can border on betraying the country.

Thirdly, Britons tend to be more tolerant of everyday discomforts. A Russian-speaking mother might not understand why her eight-year-old child goes to school with wet hair after swimming at zero degrees Celsius, while her British spouse might not even notice such trivialities. It's normal here to economize on heating and wear warm clothing indoors.

Fourthly, behind the facade of excessive politeness, Britons have a habit of teasing and bantering—it's a kind of linguistic game for them. Russian-speaking people may take offense at this style of communication.

Finally, like any native population, Britons find it difficult to understand why someone who has moved here finds simple tasks challenging, such as responding to teachers' emails about their child, taking laundry to the laundrette, or booking a doctor's appointment. Immigrants are in a complex immigration process that requires a lot of effort and can lead to fatigue. Initially, this can cause serious conflicts in a relationship because the immigrant may not realize they are in crisis, and those around them may not understand it either.

An immigrant who has moved for a spouse may feel they've sacrificed a significant part of their life for someone who now owes them little, while the partner may not understand why they owe anything at all. The immigrant has indeed made sacrifices, but the local partner provides many things in return: their environment, often their home, support during the initial period.

Furthermore, for Britons and many other Europeans, emigration isn't seen as a significant event—they move countries all the time, particularly for work. For someone born in Britain, it's easier because English is an international language, and British people may not fully grasp the language difficulties immigrants face.

Mutual support and understanding are crucial, recognizing that people are in different realities. Many issues need clarification. In my view, the most important thing is for a person to be curious and willing to learn about their partner. Often, people start by rejecting each other in a way: "I won't celebrate your holidays, and you won't celebrate ours in return"—this is a problematic approach. A better approach is when we celebrate both, curious about how each is celebrated, fostering a deep interest in different cultures, which can be very supportive.

— Many parents, moving to another country, do not teach their children their native language and traditions. What is the reason for this? How acute is the problem of identity of emigrants' children, or is there no such problem at all?

— I see many more people who want to maintain their native culture, traditions, and teach their children the native language. However, serious education, not only in spoken language but also in reading and writing, requires considerable effort from parents, which many may not have. For a child, especially a young one growing up in an English-speaking environment, learning Russian is often seen as just an extra activity that doesn't help with socialization.

Furthermore, parents who themselves struggle to adapt may fear that they could hinder their child's assimilation. If they cannot leave the Russian-speaking environment but wish to and find it important, they may hope to achieve this through their child or at least push them towards the English side.

An immigrant child, born in a new country or arriving at a young age, will inevitably choose their identity in one way or another: they may start developing their national part, or they may not. Perhaps in their teenage years, when peer interaction is crucial, they may distance themselves from their parents and their native language, which can be part of the separation process (something they would do differently in their home country).

It's unfortunate if such separation scares parents at the beginning of immigration, causing them to try to stop it, which can negatively affect the child's development. On the contrary, it's important to support their assimilation intentions, provide them with support and traditions so they know them and can also embrace them.

Perhaps as they grow older, they will become interested in the culture of the country of origin and their roots. It's great if the child has flexibility and freedom, where parents enable them to preserve their culture and language without hindering (which sometimes happens) their assimilation processes.

— What problems do emigrant children face besides the change of familiar surroundings and country?

— The main problem of emigrant children is parents who are in the process of adaptation and who have much less resources required by the child than before. They stop noticing the child with his/her difficulties, he/she may find himself/herself alone because he/she has lost friends at home and has to assimilate in a new school, build new ties, and parents do not give him/her enough support.

— These are difficult times - many families have stopped communicating because of different views on politics, for example. But the conflict between generations did not arise a year ago, and politics alone cannot justify it. What should you do when ties with your parents break down?

— In such a conflict, both parties experience a lot of negative emotions, including sadness and guilt. On an emotional level, such a break in ties is experienced as a loss. But it is not specific to emigration, because the breakdown of relationships can occur even if people live in the same country or city.

— What about the fear that your parents are far away and you may not have the time or ability to visit them when you need to?

— The fear that the parents will be gone or they will get into some difficult situation is understandable, natural, not pathological, and all that can be done about it is to try to protect the parents from unforeseen situations (find a responsible person and provide supervision). This somewhat relieves anxiety, although it does not get rid of fear for loved ones. And it is important not to leave anything for later, tell them and do everything now, while they are alive.

— The phrase "closing the gestalt" has now become a meme, but what is really meant by it in therapy? And how do you come to terms with the fact that you may never return to the country where you were born?

— This phrase refers to the realization and expression of one's experiences of some unfinished situation or experience from the past that allows one to control its impact on our present. As for returning to the country of exodus..... "Never" certainly sounds too dramatic, no one knows the future. I remember very well how, in the early 1980s, friends of my parents left with the feeling that they would never come back, and in the 1990s, when they came to visit, they were walking the streets of Moscow again. Psychotherapist Gianni Francesetti, when talking about human losses, talks about developing two loyalties: loyalty to lost relationships and loyalty to life. That is, it is important to recognize that something precious has been lost, and at the same time to find some commitment to life present and future. Everyone keeps loyalty to the past in different ways: someone writes articles or books about the past and present of their native places, someone opens a restaurant of national cuisine, someone talks about their culture and language. Keeping interest in the new life and finding a place for my past in it seems to me very significant and helps me to survive the fact that it is impossible to return to my homeland now.